Gavin's surgery.

Just wanted to let everyone know that Gavin will be having surgery on his tongue on Thursday. He's tongue tied and his ENT is finally ready to do the procedure. He's going to be put under (which scares me)..but I know everything will be ok. Please just say a little prayer for him and keep him in your thoughts. Love to everyone.

Sometimes...

I get truly sick to my stomach thinking about life. It hit me today. I'm in the pajama section at the new Walmart by Karen's house and I'm standing there...while Melanie and Karen are shopping..and I get an aching feeling in my stomach. It's one of those feelings that slowly creep up on you on other not-so-important days but you manage to push those feelings back and think about other things...but I couldn't do that today. It's like it all hit me at once. The thing is...my heart is broken. I think I have figured out every way imaginable to repress this fact....but it's there..and I think it's time for me to just face it. I have been done wrong...very wrong...by the person I loved the most. And I think about it all the time...which makes me sick. I just feel like I've been thrown away...and that I didn't matter otherwise...I'm so disposable..and it hurts. The crazy part is that I try to make excuses....even now...I'm so pathetic. But when you have that lump in your throat that you're continuously trying to swallow...it's a reminder of how much pain I'm going through..and of how much I will go through until something unexplainable happens. I don't know what it will be or who will make it happen...but I'm just ready for it to be done with. Unfortunately, I have a heart and I have a conscience..and I have a beautiful son that reminds me of him more and more each day. Maybe there will be a day where I just snap out of this nightmare and life will make me happy again...we'll see.

I WANT TO MOVE!!

You know it's getting bad when wherever you go or whatever you do....makes you sick. I mean, I'm getting to that point that I need to start looking for a place to settle down. I have two years 'til I finish school and then I basically have a free range over whatever I want to do. For some crazy reason, Colorado has been in my mind. It's not across the world from Texas..but at the same time..it's far enough. Maybe this is just a phase..I dunno. Maybe I'll fall in love with some amazing guy and want to settle down here...who knows. I'm just not feelin' Dallas anymore. And plus, there's a definite perk....Dina's there!!!!!!!

Sometimes..

It just sucks not having those certain kind of butterflies.

Hallelelujah!!!

*Sings* Last day of class, last day of class, I'm so happy that it's my last day of class!!

Yes people, I had my last final in Micro today and I think I may have actually made an A in the class. So look out Summer, here I come. I told Karen today that it's going to be like instead of Girl's Gone Wild that it's going to be Stacy Gone Wild....well, without flashing my boobs and humping imaginary beings..(well maybe that a little bit lmao). So it looks like I've got a lot of stuff planned. Deidra's shower, Gavin's b-day, trip to the beach. I'm going to be busy...but I don't care! I have the whole Summer with Gavin! (Stay tuned for the email in which it states that I'm tired of kids..LMAO!)

tests, tests, and MORE TESTS.

I'm so sick of tests. People who are in school right now..am I going crazy..or is class involved around freakin' tests? I mean, it would be nice to learn and discuss..but it seems like every class is preparing for a test..ugH. I can understand focusing on a test the week before..but it's every freakin' day. I'm just tired of how EVERYTHING is about tests. I have a lab test tomorrow. Then I have two tests on the 7th. You guys don't even know how happy I'm going to be when school is over!! I'll have the Summer free..with Gavin..it's going to be so great!!!

Is there such a thing as the Spring-time blues?

I've been really down here lately. Normally I get this during the Winter..but it's here now..and I'm tired of it. The biggest contributing factor is Erik. *Sigh* Gavin just misses him so much and I don't even know if Erik understands that or not. I do my best not to mention the word "daddy" around Gavin...but it's always Gavin that brings him up. I know he's happy when he talks about him...but it kills me inside. It almost reminds me of that pain that you feel when your extremely homesick...that's what I think Gavin is feeling now. I just wish I knew what was going on it Erik's head. I've known him for seven years so I know he has a heart...I know he does. But something is just not right about this entire thing. But anyways, I'll continue to analyze it to death like normal. Life would just be so much easier if Erik saw Gavin on a regular basis. It would be an answer to my prayers and it would make me the happiest person imaginable.