crazy

So yesterday I found out something that has totally turned my world around. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I can't put it on here but can only express the emotions that I'm going through at this moment. This seriously will hurt one of the people that I love the most in life and I can't do anything about it. I can only decide to make the decision whether or not I even want to expose it. Have you ever been in that place where whatever you decide could possibly alter another person's world forever? That's where I'm at. I'm right at Pandora's box and I'm about to open it. If you feel the earth shake for a second..then it's because of me. I just don't get it. I'm hurt..by one of the people that I loved as well. Everything is going to be crazy, and my heart will break as well but I have to do what's right. Pray for me.

Hello...is this thing on??

Hey everyone!!

Just a quick update over here. Not much going on. Most of you know that I'm knee deep in school so my life is pretty much over until the Christmas holidays. But just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing great! Well, as good as could be expected I should say. Gavin is doing great too! He's absolutely LOVING kindergarten and that makes me happy. Believe or not guys, I think he's starting to finally come out of his shell. Yay! Other than that, I've decided that I'm not going to do anymore dating anytime soon. I took the Summer off and surprisingly enough I enjoy the fact that thAT part of my life is drama free. I figure that I just need to finish school, get a good job and get a place of mine and Gavin's own before I try to bring someone new into our life. Granted, it does get a little lonely but right now I'm so busy that I fail to notice. I probably will go through my usual "holiday depression" once my break hits. What fun! But anyways, that's about all that's going on with me. How is everyone else doing??

Update

Hey guys!

Yes, I'm aware that I haven't updated in awhile..so here it goes. First off, school has officially started for both Gavin and I. And let me just say, Gavin is doing great!! Compared to Pre-K where it took him 3 months to stop crying, he has officially done a 180 turn! He cried the first day (which most can see on my myspace, ) but since that first day he has done excellent! No tears, no stress..ohhh it's been wonderful! He actually went into school today on his own and found his class..BY HIMSELF! He's growing up and no longer attached to his mother's hip *sniff*..it's bittersweet. I'm losing my baby but gaining a confident little boy. I'm just so proud of him. Now on to me, I'm doing great! I have yet to have a clinical (the first day is this wednesday,) but I've already had lecture and I already love my new teacher. She's very informative and SO much more different than my last lecture teacher..thank God!! I'm sure clinical will go smoothly, so I'm not going to worry too much about it. ALSO, I am officially training for the 5k Turkey Trot (3.1 miles) that happens on Thanksgiving Day. I've been active all Summer (which I've lost 25 more pounds,) and now I've started jogging with Tim 3 days a week and jogging on my own 2 days a week. I officially ran my first mile without stopping yesterday. What a great feeling!! It's amazing because I never thought that I could say that I can actually jog 1 whole mile. CraZY! Other than that, things are going good! I'm missing my friends though, especially you Dina!! When am I going to see you next? And come on now Manda, when in the heck are you scheduled to get your butt down here..hmmm? Anyways, hope everyone is doing well and I'll update again soon!

Getting things together.

I'm up early and I'm trying desperately to get things together. Got to buy Gavin's school clothes/supplies..and take him to get his hair cut. I also have to do a couple of things on my end to make my life easier. So I'm up early, took my mom to work so I can borrow her car and now my brother freakin' needs it so he can drive to Van Zandt and make his court date. I wish I had my own car..hopefully soon. I wish my brother didn't have a freakin' jalopy for his car...ugh. I'm just so frustrated. I'm ready to get all this stuff done!!

On the opposite end.

Have you ever just been on the opposite end of a friend and the situation that they're going through? And all you're wanting to do is tell them that you can see what's outside the "box" and that it doesn't look good. I'm in that situation right now, and it's just so frustrating. I just want to save his heart and I know that I cant..because he has to make his decisions on his own. But I see where it's all leading too...like I'm the only one that's flipping the pages of the book and seeing exactly what's going to happen next. I know that he has to make these moves regardless if he's not right..this is how you learn...life lessons. But he's already been through this...I feel he's heading down the same path and that I'm the only one that can stop him from inevitable pain. But I can't! I just have to be that person that supports him regardless of how I feel. Man, it would just be so nice to be able to just fix this for him....why do I feel like I know how? I don't know..I just feel that way. Pray for me.

How are things?

How is everyone doing? Haven't heard much from you guys. Things are ok here. I'm actually ready for school to start..isn't that crazy? Guess I'm just ready to get it over with..one more year and I'm done! I feel the need to redecorate today. Maybe I'll paint Gavin's room. He needs a change before he starts Kindergarten. I'm just in the cleaning, organizing, redecorating mood. Is this nesting? I feel like I'm nesting..lol. And NO..I'm not pregnant so for those of you who have that in your head..get it out immediately! lol. Mel and Jon are house hunting now. I'm excited for them! Mel has already found a house that she likes...all of it is so much fun. Can't wait 'til the day that I'm looking for my own home. EEeeeeK. This year is going to fly by..I have a feeling. So anyways, let me know how y'all are doing. Everyone going to Jenny's birthday dinner??

Could things just be easy for once?

It seems like everytime I talk to Karen she is going through something regarding her new relationship. I sit on the opposite end listening to her newest trouble..all the while trying to figure out how I can fix it. I've come to the conclusion that I feel that I'm that type of person who needs to fix things, regarless of the problem. Have I always been that way? Already after this 30 min. conversation we had today, I have come up with at least three solutions to her dilemma. So if I'm so apt. to want to fix everyone's problems...why can't I fix my own? Instead I spend minute after minute analyzing the current situation I'm in just to find myself calling Theresa to help me fix it. Is this just a viscious cycle? Why can't things just be easy for once so there is no problem solving involved? But just happiness and giddiness and Cloud 9-ess..lol. Aggghhhh. It's so frustrating!

Sometimes

it's just hard to know that you feel something for somebody that might not feel it back for you. Is this what a crush truly is? Do you ever think it would be better if we all could just have arranged marriages and skip all of this mumbo jumbo? But then I hear that these feelings are the best when you meet someone...that they remind you that you're still alive. They have truly reminded me that I'm alive but man...talk about a spin cycle of hope, pain, sadness, and happiness going on in my stomach. But it's all good...I'm finding that it's been a lot easier to just go with the flow...and not allow myself to get my hopes up. In fact, I'm pretty guarded and am almost prepared for anything. I know that doesn't sound good..but those who know me understand what I've been through...I would have to be an idiot not to be somewhat guarded. Anyways, just had to get all of this off my chest. I hope everyone is doing well!