For Dina..

Ok, so I promised Dina that I would start posting on here what I post on myspace considering she doesn't have a myspace account anymore (LoSeR). So here it is girlie..

I wish

I wish I was where I needed to be right now. First off, I'm tired of being scared to speak my mind on this place. There was a time where I could just let it out and not have to wonder if I was giving the wrong impression to the people who currently sit on my site as "friends". Given, most of them are friends..but most of them have not a clue about what's going on with me. I hate that feeling...you know how that person on T.V. feels when they bleep out a cuss word or something..I bet it pisses them off..I bet they have the same feeling as I do right now. So I say fuck it. Writing my thoughts has always been therapeutic for me..so why do I care now who reads this? I only care about the people who care about me..so all you others...move on, thanks. I'm currently tired of people who say they are your friend, but act completely one-sided. Yeah, as a matter of fact..I do care how you're doing..I do love your stories..I do hope that you're doing good...but for God's sake..do you honestly just like hearing yourself speak? Imagine having an hour long conversation with someone and you haven't said a word...it's freakin' eery. You get off the phone and you think.."how in the hell does that happen?" Well, I say screw that noise. I'm here sick, and pissy...and depressed. Yeah, I'm in a funk. A true friend would actually have the common courtesy to say "hey, I'm sorry you're sick..what's going on?..need to talk about anything?" Ughhh. I'm just tired of myself allowing it to ALWAYS be about you. And for those who know me, you're probably wondering to yourself how I've even let this happen...trust me, I have no clue. But I'm sick and tired of not having a voice. Speaking of not having a voice. Let me get onto the subject of dating. What in the hell are you guys thinking..seriously? Will there please, for the love of God..be one man that is actually interested in something other than what's going on with them? I'm back to the same statement as before...why does it always have to be about you? So I'm tired..yeah, tired of disappointment. I'm officially cutting off dating indefinitely. I just can't do it anymore. I took a two month break over the holidays for this exact reason. I'm tired of this "yeah, i'm looking for a long-term relationship" blah blah blah bullshit. Do you guys honestly think that us girls are looking for a man just do have sex with?? Seriously, it's not hard to find one of those guys. Why do you think we put such an effort to into actually finding someone? Because we need to get some?? I mean COME ON NOW. Where has the love gone? I mean the actual process of falling in love...can someone please tell me where it has gone? Because there has yet to be man that I have met that hasn't been interested in getting into my pants after a night of knowing them. I just want something more. I crave something more. But on my end...would you continue to sit there as someone bangs you upside the head with a hammer..or are you going to move on?? Exactly. I'm done. I'm DONE.